In another race to find answers to questions that have been pestering my brain since the last few blog posts..Here is another answer I got..These last few months I have had the most unanswerable questions popping up in my mind...rushing me inside-out...leaving me sad...unhappy with myself..Disgusted and wasted... (As usual)...
And then one night...when I was trying to sleep on my wet bed... (Wet with tearz... [: P]...!!)...just like many other nights...I was feeling lost...unwanted... (As usual)...2:00 A.M. …a scream...I sat up...it was all hush outside...and very-very noisy inside...a shuddery lull…I went out..Nothing...the squall...I realized...was from within...my conscience...was screaming to be heard...and I tried remembering...the last time I talked to myself...it was a long…long time…since I averted doing that..And now I couldn’t do it anymore...and so I surrendered and took heed of it..Curled up in my balcony...no stars, no street lights...the only thing I could hear was the rain drops meeting the ground...and forming ripples..I wondered how something so small...could create half-a-hundred ripples...flowing out from a point...circling on and on and on…
This is the way things are happening in my life...maybe something as small as a droplet...since neglected...has caused the ripples of unhappiness..But what is that little thing? Why can’t I undo it??..How much I wish the ‘backspace’ on my keyboard...worked in my life...i wish...i wish...I wish..!!..(Ok...let’s not talk of the things tat can’t happen)...so I sat pondering over the questions my conscience was putting up on me...
It asked me...the reason of being unhappy...when all that is happening in my life is only because of the decisions I MADE...why am I blaming the life to be unkind to me...when all the things I got are the ones I CHOSE..??And why am I sad when I had promised it... (Read conscience)...to be happy in wateva I get...thankful wen I get gud...and managing to pull myself off when bad comes in my way..!!Why am I complicating things now...when I loved simple..!!..And why am I losing strength when I knew since the beginning that the ways I chose...are not bcuz they are easygoing..(Actually they were never meant to be easygoing)..But because I feel-like passing them...awww!! I so miss the gurl inside me who wanted to live life in ‘slow-motion’...who wanted seconds to pass like hrz...just so that she can enjoy every moment..!!..And why now do I want to fast-forward my life?? (Silly!!)
The answer I managed out to all this was EXPECTATIONS...ones that I have from me...and those that my frnz...my family...and the world has...and just in the rush to finish all what they want from me...I’ve been heading for the hills since long now…I’m tired..Exhausted...and maybe I’ve missed myself somewhere in the hie...its just when dreams turn into expectations...that all gets bungled..!!When I was in grade 6...i dreamt of being a doctor...and now this is wat I expect from myself...wat my family expects of me. And all the running I’m doing is just to stand one-piece and victorious on their expectations..It is no longer a dream anymore...it’s a duty..!!..
Now what happens when dreams don’t come true??Do we cry over it..??No...We sleep again...have a new dream that night or maybe the same one...but what if expectations aren’t finished??...we feel busted...and wasted...
So what I can now conclude from all the thinking that night...I scribble it into a little not-a-poem…
“Let dreams be dreams,
Have a B-E-A-utiful dream each night...
And if the dream doesn’t come true, don’t worry,
Have a new dream tonight...
But in all this rush...and pace of life,
Don’t let your dreamz and expectations coincide...
Cuz then is when the going gets tough…
And that is when it HURTS INSIDE..!!..”
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Posted by Nikkita mathur at 9:42 AM
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Being a typical voracious reader..I hog on to almost anything and everything that comes my way..( But just until my curiosity is working..).Once I loose my wonderment to know about the book or the story..I give up the read..(Which I think is normal..). Along with reading another good habit (gud..Err..Rather irritating..) Is that once I read something..I love narrating it to anyone I know..
Hmm..So cumin back to the topic of my latesht “BOOK-ISHTAAN-BOOKEDVENTURE”..I read INDIA 2020 by our very own..”long-weird hairdo uncle” APJ Abdul kalam..na yaar!!serious respect to the ultimate person he is and all his work for ‘apna india’ deserves a heartfelt appreciation..(thank u APJAK uncle)..
About the book..-india 2020..as the name says is a vision of india in year 2020 (and though it takes a lot more hrz..once u read the book u will definitely prefer it over a show of love story 2050)..so the book narrating the present situation of developing india provides a blue-print for the india-to-come..APJAK uncle’s unmovable confidence and his potentiality to accost the problems at the roots makes listening to him a job difficult to resist…believe me guyz..(though I’ve neva talked to him personally but weneva I hear him speaking on the television , I feel a connection, I sit glued to the TV and feel that wateva hez speaking..is especially for me..only me..thanx to his ultimate verbalising abilities…sir,im a fan!! ok..ok back to book(*apology*, this carking habit of mine is a total problem!!)
Now lemme quote a few of my favorite lines from the book :-
“in the field of space technology, we started from a scratch to have today a system of satellite based communication linking remote regions of the country. The same sense of purpose can lead us to success in many other areas crucial to achieving the goal of a prosperous, strong nation..” w-o-w…(applause!!)
Now letz see wat tribune quotes about the book :-
“this is no ordinary book..it should be in all libraries and on the desk of every individual who dreams about the future of india…”
As APJAK uncle says..he dedicates his book to a little girl who when asked about her dream..she said..”I want to live in a developed india”..
Well, now to put it in a nutshell, for all the young-ishtaan wasi who feel or who want to know about what can they do for india. Go get a copy and see for yourself..!! and no worries guyz..there is definitely something for everyone……
The ending backdrop:- (here we have a song for every feeling, I just love Indian music industry)
“saathi hath badhaan..
Ek akela thak jaega,
Milkar bojh uthana..
Sathi hath badhana..”
Signing off from book-ishtaan..!!
Think high..Fly higher.!!
Posted by Nikkita mathur at 8:45 AM